Lately I have been realizing how I have let the stories I hold about specific instances or times in my life control... and even create…me.

These occurrences may have been only one time... or they may have been many times...
But it was in my child's mind, played over and over and over...
In my hurt and lonely teenage mind, played over and over and over...
Even in my broken-hearted adult mind, played over and over and over. 

It was the feelings from those moments that stuck. Stuck and then grew in such a profound way that they became my identity. 

I was unloved, unlovable, alone, broken, scarred, forgotten, damaged... 

Because these stories told me I was. 

And once I started seeing the stories, I turned my feelings around to the judgement and outrage.
How dare they treat me this way! They are horrible for doing such things! What is wrong with them!?
And the anger grew... 

But wait...
Aren't these stories still just the child's memory, the wounded girl, the FEELINGS?

I do not know the motives behind the actions. 
I do not know the feelings behind the actions.
I do not even know if these things really happened as I remember them. 

All this time... it was the feelings.

So what do I do with this information?
I am trying to accept... without judgement.
I am learning to unravel and feel... without judgement. 
I am forgiving, myself... and them.
I am clearing.
I am opening.
I am healing.

​You often hear stories of dogs that won't leave their master’s side after they've died... well, sometimes the dog is the one that stays around after passing... I know mine did. 

I used to see Henry whiz by as a wispy white cloud for weeks after he died. And Eddie… my little shadow. I still think I hear him jumping on and off the bed. And the jingle of the tags… you hear it, too, don’t you?

Both of our boys were rescues adopted from Animal Control booth at the fair. Henry, the bichon-poodle clown dog… he became my daughter’s best friend. He was already 5 when we got him, surrendered by an elderly owner who could no longer care for him. We only got to enjoy his company for 5 years before we lost him to cancer. But he LIVED. That dog loved life, loved to run, loved everyone. He was always so excited about everything. He was a joy. 

Eddie came a year after we got Henry. We were going to the fair again. I told my daughter, “We are NOT getting a dog, so don’t even look.” HAHAHA Silly mommy.
​Well, of course we had to LOOK. And there was my little brown buddy. Part dachshund, part terrier (we think) and only 11 months old. The next day, he came to live with our little family. He had some challenges as he had not come from a very good situation, but with lots of patience and lots of love, he finally got comfortable and became my devoted little companion. He never left my side. And we simply adored each other.
This past Christmas, we lost him to cancer as well.

We miss our boys so much. 

This is an art card titled “Ghost Dog” which I made as a tribute to all those wonderful dogs that stay in our hearts. They are with us always.

Stressed out? Who hasn’t been at some point in their life? Sometimes it’s daily stresses… traffic, rude people, looming deadlines… sometimes things can get a little heavier. No matter the reason, it can be beneficial to have an arsenal on hand when those times arise.

The items below have worked wonders for me personally. They don't make me feel wonky… they just calm… and help me feel more capable of handling whatever is happening. 

Tension Tamer Tea by Celestial Seasonings
My “get me through it” favorite. This yummy tea is a combination of eleuthero, peppermint, cinnamon, ginger, chamomile, lemongrass, licorice, catnip, tilia flowers, natural lemon flavor with other natural flavors, hops and Vitamins B6 and B12.
Usually can be found anywhere Celestial Seasonings tea is sold. (I buy it by the 6 box case on amazon.)

Bach Rescue Remedy
My other go-to stress reliever. Comes in drops, spray (also available in non-alcoholic versions for pets and children) and pastilles. I have used the spray, the drops and the pastilles. These days I prefer the pastilles… they are like a hard gummy you suck on.
For more information: http://www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-information/.
Can be found at Whole Foods and many natural product retailers. Also online in multiple places including amazon and vitacost.

Origins Peace of Mind® ON-THE-SPOT-RELIEF
I rub on my temples, neck, shoulders and breath deep. Tingly and refreshing! Also invaluable for road trips, or when the stress is accompanied by a headache or stiff neck. LOVE this stuff.
Can be found at the Origins counter or online origins.com, amazon, beauty.com

Peppermint Foot Spray 
Any brand you can find. I prefer Upper Canada All About Feet Peppermint Foot Spray, but the Body Shop has one that works, too. I cannot tell you how wonderful this feels at the end of a long day. Ooh-la-la!
Upper Canada products can be found on Amazon or at uppercanadasoap.com.
Body Shop Peppermint Foot Spray can be found online thebodyshop.com or amazon. 

Long Day Fighting Bruise and Muscle Rub
I carry most of my stress in my neck and shoulders. And all the time on the computer, the phone, the job or those hobbies that have me hunched in bad positions (surely that isn’t just me?)...  This stuff is awesome to massage your neck and shoulders and loosen away that tension.
(She also has a fabulous product for your joints called Ma Cobb’s Joint Salve.)
http://thevagabondtabby.com/long-day-fighting-bruise-and-muscle-rub/
She can also be found on Etsy https://www.etsy.com/listing/126029162/long-day-fighting-bruise-muscle-rub-big. 

Historical Remedies Stress Mints
I haven’t used these in awhile, but I used to go through them by the box!
I’ve seen these at Whole Foods and you can find them online (amazon, vitacost, drugstore.com)

And for those moments when you have nothing handy, a few deep breaths will do wonder to help clear… and calm… your mind.